


Defining Moments

by Whiskey_Ice_and_Everything_Nice_13



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Loss of Parent(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 22:10:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17671061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whiskey_Ice_and_Everything_Nice_13/pseuds/Whiskey_Ice_and_Everything_Nice_13
Summary: There are some moments that make you stop and examine yourself, you step up and do all you can regardless of how you feel.





	Defining Moments

2 years, 3 months and 6 days. That was how long it had been since your last hunt. Why did you know that? Because that was the day you lost everything.

It was a vamp nest, you had cleaned out tons of them. Dad was running point, you, and mom behind him fanned out, your little brother pulling up the rear. Everyone knew their part, their job, you worked as a fine oiled machine. 

Dad had gently pushed the door open to the decrepit house, not a sound made. It was a pitch black night, you followed closely behind him, as your little brother broke the threshold, the door swung shut under what seemed to be its own volition. That's when all hell broke loose. 

The boys had found you that night, laying in a puddle of your family's blood, your little brother's mangled body cradled in your lap. You were completely destroyed, your body and soul broken. The inhuman cries erupting from your chest was what had led them to you. Everyone and everything in the house, aside from you, lay dead around you. You remembered being forced to look into Sam’s hazel eyes, not registering anything……

“Y/N,” Sam said quietly, reaching out to touch your shoulder. 

Your empty Y/E/C eyes stared into nothing, your body shaking with sobs. You had stopped screaming finally, small whimpers escaping you still. It was your screams that had led Sam and Dean to the carnage that was left of the nest. 

“Y/N!” Sam said a little louder. When you still didn't answer him he reached out and took your battered face gently between his large hands forcing you to look at him. 

“Y/N, my god what did they do to you?” He looked down over your body. 

You were slumped against the wall, your little brother's lifeless body draped across your legs. Your left arm hung useless into your lap, the shoulder clearly dislocated. Your face was a mess of bruises with cuts down your neck, disappearing into the collar of your shredded tshirt.   
“Please, Y/N,” Sam begged. He looked down and gently started to slide your brothers body out of your grasp. 

Finally something registered. 

“No!” You shrieked, finally seeing Sam kneeling in front of you. 

“Y/N, you're safe. You have to let him go.” 

You looked up at Sam's gentle face, concern clear in his eyes. Dean was crouched just behind him. 

You slowly loosened your grip on your brothers arm, allowing Dean and Sam to slide Max’s body to the blood soaked floor. 

You stood in front of the mirror, your Y/C/E’s staring back at you. The boys had brought you to the bunker after you were released from the hospital, given you a room, and a place with both of them. That hunt had almost killed you. You had a dislocated shoulder, broken ribs, broken fingers, a large amount of blood loss and a broken ankle. It had taken a year’s worth of physical therapy just to regain all of the use of your left arm. You had healed physically, the scars barely visible. Emotionally had been harder. Poor Sam and Dean had been there through all of it, why? You still had no idea. 

“Y/N? Are you sure you're ready for this?” 

You turned to see Sam leaned against the doorjamb of your bathroom, his feet crossed at the ankles. 

“Yeah, I am.” You smiled at him. 

“You don't have to go.” Sam stepped into the bathroom and gently took your hand in his large one.

“I'm okay Sam. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be where I am today. I am okay.” You looked up into his hazel eyes. Sam had been gentle with you, he had sat for hours and listened to you talk, held you while you cried. He had also helped you research and train to regain your strength mentally. 

“I just worry. I know it's been a long time, but that night took a hell of a toll. Are you sure you want to take on a Vamp nest?” He stroked his thumb across the back of your hand. You had gone on a couple of easy hunts over the past year, possessions, ghosts. But nothing like this. 

“Sam, I have you and Dean. I will be okay.” You cupped his cheek in your hand. “I don't know how I got so lucky to get the two of you,” you brushed your thumb over his lips. 

“That's what happens when people see the vulnerable side of someone else. You truly have your eyes opened to them.” He smiled and pressed his lips to yours. You sighed and melted into him.

You loved how Sam kissed you and touched you. You had found that out on one of the many nights when he was massaging your shoulder after it had ceased on you. You had loved the feel of his hands on your skin from the first time he helped you, that night for some reason you couldn't help yourself. You had cautiously reached out to him, his response had tilted your entire world. You had loved him ever since. 

“That is very true. Come on, I am sure Dean is ready to go if you're here.” You kept a hold of his hand and led the way to the garage. Snatching your bag off the floor by the door as you went. 

“There you guys are! Good hell I thought I was going on my own. Heya sweetheart,” Dean wrapped you in his arms and kissed the top of your head as you and Sam stopped at the impala. 

“Na, just a little slow.” You smiled up at him as he released you. 

“Come on let's get moving.” Dean gently pushed you towards the back seat, opening the door for you. 

You tossed your bag on the seat and slid in closing the door behind you. 

“You think she is ready for this?” Dean asked Sam quietly over the top of the car.

“To be honest, I'm not sure. She says she is, you have been with her just as much as I have been.” Sam shrugged. He had done all he could to help Y/N emotionally after that night. She hadn't been the same. But then who was after watching their entire family get slaughtered? He and Dean still weren't completely sure what they had done to her. But he knew when she was ready or if she ever was she would tell them. He just hoped she was put together enough to keep going on. After months of living with them she had finally broke out of her shell. She finally engaged with them, and they had both fallen in love with her in their own way, and she loved them both back. 

“I guess we find out. She says she is ready, all we can do is be careful with her and keep an eye on her. This is a small nest, shouldn't even need all three of us. We have her Sammy.” Dean smiled at his younger brother and climbed behind the wheel. 

Dean dug through his box of cassettes for a second and popped one in. You had to laugh out loud, even through your fear, as The Beastie Boys Fight For Your Right started playing. 

“Really Dean?”

“Yep, just for you sweetheart,” he winked at you in the rearview mirror. He knew you loved this song. 

You wake up late for school man you don't wanna go you ask your mom “please?” But she still says “no!”

You sing along loudly from the back seat causing Sam and Dean to laugh. They both end up singing along with you, just as loud. You lean over the front seat and start it over once more just so you can belt it out and get all the nerves out. This was a normal occurrence for you when you used to hunt, only now you could sing it out loud rather than just plugging in your head phones. 

The closer you got to the nest the more you hoped the calm would set in. That was one thing you had always been good at, not losing your head in a fight. The calm that settled over you in situations like this helped you be the lethal hunter you had been. You had been a killing machine. It was amazing to you that it was settling in. You continued to quietly sing along to the radio keeping your nerves at bay, searching your mind for the calm you needed. 

“Alright, you ready Y/N?” Dean asked ask you stepped back and twirled your machete. 

“Yep. I'm good.” You nodded to him. You had this, this is what you did. This is where you belonged, the nerves were normal. You were getting back in the saddle, that's why your hands were shaking.

“I'll lead, we will put you in the middle, Sam will bring up the rear. There are 5 total. Piece of cake.” Dean winked at you as he handed you a handful of syringes full of dead man's blood. 

“Okay,” you nodded again smiling at him. You knew he was trying to make sure you were okay.

“I'm ready, guys, I'm okay.” You looked back and forth between them. Hoping they believed the lie.

“Alright. Let's go.” Dean grabbed his light and his own machete slamming the trunk. You followed close behind Dean, the memories bubbling just below the surface.

Breath, you reminded yourself keeping a grip on what little calm you found with both hands. 

Dean pushed the door to the house open and stepped in. You took a deep breath as you stepped in behind him, fear threatening to overtake you. 

You've got this Y/N! You screamed to yourself in your head focusing on the corners of the room as a trail of sweat slid down your spine. 

All clear. 

“Sammy, you take the right hall, Y/N, you stay with me.” Dean quietly gave the orders not looking back at you. 

“Dean, I'll take the front rooms,” you touched his back as you moved past him. 

“Y/N, stay with me!” He grabbed your shoulder, his eyes imprint you to stay with him. 

“Babe, I got this,” you winked at him and kept against the wall, your senses alert. 

When you heard the screaming from the back of the house you had just cleared the front rooms and turned to find Sam and Dean. You cut through the kitchen that had already been cleared. 

“Ah, the little bitch is back.” A voice growled from the shadows of the basement door that was open.   
Before you knew what was happening you were slammed in to the wall behind you by what felt like a brick wall. Your fight set in. You swung and kicked for all you were worth trying to dislodge your attacker from his position on top of you. You fought enough to get the upper hand planting your feet on his hips and kicking him away across the room. You took up a fighter's stance, your head in the game even though your machete lay feet away from you on the floor. 

He attacked again. 

You used the momentum of his weight against him and threw him into the wall behind you, him Landing in a heap on the floor. Growling in satisfaction you added a kick to his stomach. You backed up to retrieve your machete as he gained his feet. Suddenly you were grabbed from behind. The bastard hadn't been alone. Suddenly you were thrown to the floor. 

The second male pinned your body beneath him, running his nose along the column of your throat.   
“God you smell just as good as you did the last time. Bet you taste just as good too.” He purred licking the trail his nose had followed. He pinned your arms above your head and spread your legs wide open, pinning them with his own. 

You lost it. You screamed for all you were worth and fought back trying to throw him off. The panic taking over, settling in like a thick fog over your brain. 

“Ah, she does remember,” he laughed looking at his partner. 

“Y/N!!” Your mom screamed as you were thrown to the ground. You were pinned with the weight of his body on top of you. His fangs inches from your face, framed by a twisted smile. 

“Not such a good little fighter are you?” He purred at you before running his nose up the column of your throat. “God you smell delicious,” he moaned. He pulled back and looked down at you with cold dead eyes. 

You had always sworn you wouldn't beg if anyone got you. So you spit in his face and set your jaw. You weren't going to give them the pleasure of listening to your screams. 

“Oh, feisty little bitch,” he laughed and slammed his forehead down onto yours. Stars erupted behind your eyes pulling a soft grunt from you as your eyes watered and blood poured from your nose. 

“You're last.” He bared his teeth at you and stood up dragging you with him.

They lashed your hands and hung you from a hook high on the wall. You fought to get down, screaming at your mom as they pinned her down and sucked her dry leaving her dead eyes staring up at you, her throat ripped out as they went in search of Dad and Max. 

“Where is that rope James?” The monster on top of you asked the other as your eyes came back into focus. You lay there, completely paralyzed as everything in the room suddenly seemed too loud. You were not going to watch Dean and Sam die like your family. 

“Here, I thought we killed her.” The other voice responded as rope was passed into your field of vision.

“Apparently she is quite the little fighter. Determined to live. Maybe this time we will keep her.” The man on top of you looked down at you. “God the things I could do with that fight.” 

You mustered all you had and spit in his face, setting your jaw. You would not be tied and hung again. 

“That right there, the fight. That is what I want in a woman. After being almost drained I am sure you'll lose some of it but after you're turned, you'll be amazing.” He crashed his lips to yours as you fought to get away. He laughed manically and started to tie your hands shifting his weight slightly. 

You took the chance and you were able to get one of your legs free, bringing it up to make contact with his crotch. 

“You bitch!” He screamed in anger trying to pin you back down. You struggled enough to roll your body almost out from under him, one of your hands slipping free. 

You grasped blindly to your side looking for the handle that you knew was there. Finally you found purchase and forced it up the word of your body sinking the blade into the chin of the screaming vampire that was still pinning you down. 

“Y/N!” Dean yelled as he barged into the kitchen. They had cleared the rest of the house when they heard you scream. There were more than they had thought. 

“Dean!” You screamed at him as you were hauled off the floor by your hair. Your machete was knocked from your hands again. You were wrapped in an iron grip, your head jerked to the side by your hair bearing your neck. 

“Let her go you son of a bitch!” Dean snapped at the vampire that was pinning you to his chest. 

Sam and Dean were standing just inside the room, covered in blood and looking a little beat up. 

“Or what? You going to kill me human? If you haven't noticed, I have the upper hand here.” He laughed licking up the side of your neck. “God she does smell as good as he said.” He moaned meeting Dean's eyes as his fangs slid out. 

“So help me God,” Dean growled taking a step forward. 

“Ah, ah, ah. You do that and you are just shortening her already short life span.” The vampire tsked. 

“Trust me?” Dean asked looking only at you. 

“Always.” You responded, a tears starting to slide down your dirty cheeks. 

“She's dead.” The vamp growled sinking his teeth into your throat. 

“Y/N drop!” Dean yelled at you just as the vamps teeth found purchase in your neck. You dropped all your weight the the floor, your skin tearing away where his teeth were in your flesh. 

Seconds later, his head hit the floor with a thump in front of you. 

You stayed curled in the fetal position, your head covered, until you felt gentle hands on your arm pulling a scream from you.   
“Y/N, it's me, babe it's me.” Sam quietly told you moving into your line of sight. 

“Sam,” you whispered before launching yourself at him. He caught you against his chest and held you tightly. 

“She's bleeding Sammy.” You heard Dean's voice from somewhere behind you. 

“I know, come on Y/N, we need to get you out of here.” Sam scooped you up in his arms cradling you against his chest as sobs started to rack your body. 

You turned your face into his chest and latched into his shirt. 

“He got you good, I'm sorry I wasn't there before he bit you.” Sam shook his head as he put the last stitch into your neck. He put the needle down and started to inspect the rest of your body for damage. 

You were currently sitting on the bathroom counter in the hotel room where he had deposited you. On the way back to the hotel he got your neck to stop bleeding. 

“You're fine. You guys should have just left me there. What good is a hunter who can't defend herself anymore?” You whispered looking at the floor. 

“Y/N!” Sam looked at you shocked. He wasn't sure he had heard you correctly at first but when the tears started sliding down your cheeks he knew he had. 

“You were ambushed by two vamps, that I assume are the ones who messed you up in the first place. You did fight back and try to defend yourself. Hell you killed one of them!” Sam tilted your chin up to meet your Y/E/C eyes. He could see the defeat clearly in them. You felt like you were no longer good enough. Tonight had broken you, defeated you. Just what he had feared would happen. 

“Sam, I...I froze.” You looked at him tears streaming down your face. 

“When he pinned me he did the same thing he did the first time. He was going to do it all over. They had attacked me in the kitchen, they hung me from the wall and, and killed them. I watched them suck my mom dry, they tore my dad apart, and then attacked my little brother, making me listen to him scream as they tortured him ” You were sobbing now. 

“Y/N, it wasn't your fault.” Sam cupped your tear streaked face in his hands. 

“I couldn't stop them! Then they pulled me down. They beat me, they fed on me, they were going to rape me but knew I was going to bleed out and didn't want, didn't want me to be unresponsive. They left me there to die. The only person I could reach was Max.” You broke off gasping for air as you remembered his battered body lying bloodied in your lap. 

“Y/N, look a me,” Sam made you meet his gaze. “You did what you could, you couldn't save them. There were to many that night. You can't hold onto this, it is going to kill you.” He wiped at a trail of tears down your cheek in vain. 

“I was so afraid I was going to lose you,” your lip quivered. You knew you couldn't bear the thought of being the reason someone else died.   
“You won't. We have your back, you are going to make it Y/N,” Sam gathered you in his arms. 

“I was so scared Sam,” you admitted finally. You latched into his shirt and sobbed into his chest. They had broken you, you had admitted it.   
“Shhh, you're safe. You won't hunt another vampire.” He told you kissing the top of your head.

“I won't hunt anything.” You whispered.

You slept wrapped in Sam's arms that night after three tumblers of whiskey. You woke before either of the boys and laid there in the shelter of Sam's arms. Reveling in the safety you felt there. 

It was there, nestled in his arms against his chest that you knew. You were done. 

You couldn't do it anymore. You couldn't fight, you were going to get someone else killed. Your memories had defeated you. You had lost everything. You knew you were weak, but you couldn't take the defeat. You knew the boys wouldn't look at it that way, but you knew that's what it was. You let that one moment defeat you. 

You decided that you were done hunting. You would stay with the boys, you loved them, but you would only do research from this day forward.

You were done as a hunter.


End file.
